Top Cunts
Jake vs PJ: Snake put up an absolute monster Sunday, anchored by his Viking heroes of Darnold and Addison (74 points between the two of them). It was looking like a potential EZ first round upset - but come Monday night, the #1 WR (#2 overall) said “not so fast, my friend!”. Ja’marr Chase’s MONSTER 45 points put PJ right back into the mix, now going into the 2nd week of round 1 only down by a modest 19 points.
If you asked Snake 9 days ago if he’d be happy about having a 19 point lead right now, I’m certain the answer would be a resounding “abso-fucking-lutely”. But after the huge game from Chase on MNF to close the gap, I would imagine his great 157 point week, and 19 point lead, can’t feel like anything other than bittersweet. The very uncharacteristic goose-egg by Kupp this week on TNF could very well prove to be a fatal blow for Snake.
Updated prediction: Chris Collinsworth says something extra fucking annoying tonight.
Matt vs. Andy: A super tight matchup, Candy goes into week 2 Sunday with a slim 4 point edge over Seif. To the surprise of nobody, Guerendo proved to be a huge play for Matt in Week 14, very much rewarding him for making his first waiver wire acquisition of the year. On the flipside, he also started the Cardinals defense that accrued zero positive defensive stats, netting him a cool -4 points for his troubles there. You can’t win ‘em all.
Shoutout to Mr. Jonnu Smith, 0 points after 60 minutes and then BAM - 3 catches and a TD in overtime to give Andy’s TE slot a more-than-respectable 13.5 points. That could very well be the difference between advancing or not. Again, as expected, Candy man’s team is looking consistently solid from top to bottom. This week we’ll see if Chuba finds his way into the starting lineup after a stong 20 points last week that were left sitting on his bench.
Updated prediction: There will be over 0.5 total TD’s accounted for between these two team’s QB’s.
Slutler Bowl: After only one week, it’s a bit too early to really make much sense of the Slut-Off. Tony and Joel look to be in rough shape, as expected. They should probably consider scoring more points going forward. Josh Allen just had the highest scoring week by a QB of all time, putting Neil in a good starting position for the 4 week Slut battle. Neil also started inactive Dalton Kincaid at Tight End. Neil is really smart.